A Rough Few Months

HI! Id like to start by saying this site is in progress! I was going to wait until I had time to make it beautiful to share it, but why? This first post is explaining why we are deciding to minimize our stuff. This is going to be a journey and so will this journal. (I call it a journal and not a blog because I feel like journal is a more accurate description of what it is). There may be typos and run-on sentences because I want to type as if I am just talking to a friend rather than making a post.

Having my sweet Liam was a dream come true. Despite the severe sleep deprivation of having a cranky newborn and a few breakdown moments begging my mom to come over ( I have a baby whispering, saint of a mother who has raised 8 kids and can do it half asleep- and probably has), I vividly remember thinking “I was born to do this”. We would do tons of tummy time, read books, and sing and dance like crazy between every nap. I felt like I had the most perfect life and I was overflowing with joy and gratitude.

I went back to work when Liam was 4 months old and it started off okay but slowly got harder and harder to leave him. Somewhere around 6 weeks after returning to work I started noticing my days off were getting lazier an lazier. I am embarrassed to even admit this, but I would sit on the couch with Liam and just hold him and stare at the wall until nap time. Then I would lay him down and head back to my comfy spot on the couch and stare until he woke up. Some days I didn’t even eat until Patrick got home from work because making toast seemed like way too big of a chore. Having anyone other than my mom or sister over was so uncomfortable and I just wanted to be alone all day.

So one night I got home from work after Patrick spent the day with Liam and he mentioned that Liam had refused any and all tummy time and just rolled to his back and was laughing about trying to force him to stay on his tummy. I started crying. I realized that I hadn’t done any sort of playing with Liam in over a month. I explained to pat that nothing was bringing me any joy and I felt like he was this amazing dad and I was a terrible mom. I kept venting telling him how work is so exhausting because I’m trying to act overly happy and annoying (my usual self) so people don’t ask whats wrong. I don’t want to do family stuff…I don’t want anybody coming over…I just got it all out. “I think you have postpartum depression..I’ve been wondering for a while”. I thought that PPD came on right after birth or you were in the clear. I had no idea you get start developing it 5 months postpartum! But there it was and I knew he was right.

SO this whole online journal is NOT about postpartum depression but rather about our journey to overcome it, longtime anxiety, and financial stress. I was originally going to keep it completely private and just have a place to type out my feelings, but I had 2 friends privately talk to me about feeling the same way and I realized I had been hiding this from a lot of family and friends and I just want it to be out there so people know whats up.

I am not a medical professional (well dental..but if someones dying..still call 911) and I am in no way saying that if you are suffering from any sort of depression my methods will “cure” it. Get help! See a doctor! Go to therapy! read up on it! make a game plan for your mental health because once you accept that something is off and make a game plan to fix it, it automatically lifts a small weight off your back. I can honestly say the past couple weeks I have felt better than I have in months.

So WHAT ARE WE DOING? We are getting rid of our STUFF. I was so inspired by blogs I read of minimalists and then fell in love with Marie Kondo’s book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up”. So we are going full force with purging anything in our home that does not bring us joy. (Other than tax documents and things of that nature- gotta keep those no matter how unhappy they make me). I don’t plan to be a full on, “sell the car, buy a tiny house” type of minimalist, but more of a “semi” minimalist. So far I have sorted through all of our clothes and kitchenware and I feel a little chunk of my dark cloud gone. It’s all I can talk about to my family. “does that really spark joy?” is something I say daily now. It has actually become a family joke with my parents and siblings..BUT IT MAKES SENSE. everything you own should make you happy! Did you buy that vase because it kind of matched your living room or did you walk by it and feel so much happiness from it that you HAD to have it? That shirt you always put on and then change because you’re not crazy about the way it fits…donate it.

My first official post about our first purge day and how a visit from my brother was life changing will be very soon! spoiler alert- I got rid of about 75% of my clothes! If you took the time to read this whole novel, thanks!! I hope you’ll read the future ones and get inspired to make room for some joy in your life too because its seriously the businesssss.

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